I understand Curling. That high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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