she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
