This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
