I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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