But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
