I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
