I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
