I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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