I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Holy sore nipples Batman
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
