i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
