What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
