Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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