whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
