u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
