Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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