it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
