Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
