I want to have your abortion
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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