all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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