dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
