so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
