wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
