apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
