id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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