If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
