If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
