My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck appropriateness.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
