two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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