the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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