He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You may now shotgun with the bride
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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