We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
