My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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