hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
