420 ftw
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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