Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
