i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
