No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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