My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
