I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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