So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize