Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
