you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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