Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
