I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
