We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
