put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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