Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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