Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
