Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
