We won't sleep together?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
