if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Your dad touched me again.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
