you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
