as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
