The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
