this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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