I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
