Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
