If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
