Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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