there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
