put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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