i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
