Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
