Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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