Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
