So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
