isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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