what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
