He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
