What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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